Adam's story by Elizabeth Becker

Because I love the outdoors, my primary treatment counselor recommended Gray Wolf Ranch to me. I think it turned out to be a good fit. I had previously done an Outward Bound trip and used to race motorbikes, so I wasn't new to outdoor activities. For me, the treks were definitely an important attraction.

While I was a resident, I went on a five-day trek to the Elwha River Valley, a ten-day longboat and kayaking trip to the San Juan Islands in Puget Sound, and an eight-day canoeing and backpacking trip. You learn a lot by living on a small boat with 14 guys for a week or climbing up a mountain. You learn to deal with other people, to live with everyone's flaws, and you learn how to have relationships. You see where everyone struggles. The treks gave us time to talk and to really get to know each other. This is important, because these are guys you will see again and will live with for at least the next few months. When you get back to the Ranch, it gives you a chance to continue putting into practice what you learn on the treks.

I struggled at Gray Wolf at first. Many of the residents came from the program at Hazelden and already knew each other somewhat. Since I had gone through primary treatment in Tucson, I had to start from scratch in feeling comfortable with the group. I thought my problems were unique and really shameful. But I learned that we were all in the same boat and dealing with a lot of the same issues.
At first, I went through a period where I just wanted to curl up by the fire and do nothing. But that is what I did when I was "using," and I knew I needed to take action and get myself motivated. I had to actually put my faith to work. When I started to trust the folks at the Ranch and followed their suggestions, my work ethic grew. Darby (GW's staff psychologist) helped me to see that my problems weren't that big or unusual and that I could learn how to handle them.

I actually had a lot of fun being at Gray Wolf. Once I settled in, I thought it was relatively easy to do the things we were required to do. It was good preparation for "real life." Peter Lack, my counselor, was a big help. In our one-on-one meetings, he would work with me to set goals for each week, which really helped me to stay focused. He also encouraged me to play golf, to work out, and to just have fun. Although at first I probably spent a little too much time having fun, I quickly realized that there needs to be a balance between work and play.

After graduation, I briefly moved to California and found a job. But I was miserable. It's tough being young and sober--it was hard finding friends in my age group who didn't want to party. I'm just about to turn 21, but I feel like I've been there for a long time already.
I decided to move back to Port Townsend, which has turned out to be a good decision. I work at a local restaurant and continue to attend AA meetings. It's really great to be tied in with the AA community here, which has members of all ages who have been through the same stuff and really support one another. And I keep in touch with my counselors and friends from Gray Wolf. The best thing, though, was that when I returned here, a lot of people told me they were happy to see me. That had never happened to me before.

Since graduating from Gray Wolf and staying sober, I'm finding that my options get wider each day and good things keep happening. I'm hoping to work as a wilderness trek leader someday. With help from Alex Borton (Gray Wolf's Trek Program Coordinator), I've been looking into outdoor leadership courses and a wilderness first-aid response course.

What advice would I give someone going into recovery? Be honest with yourself. Realize that someone else has been through the same things you're going through. And take care of problems and resentments as they come along--the small things in your life will add up in the long run. I've learned the hard way that it's better to be respected than to be liked. If you go against your own values and ethics just to fit in, you will end up losing respect for yourself.

For me, life just keeps getting better.