As I write this, I can’t help thinking that it’s
funny how you never really appreciate how much something
means to you until it is gone. Although I can’t
say I miss the last six years of my life, curiously I
do find I miss Gray Wolf Ranch.
My using really started when I was turning sixteen.
I was at a well-known traditional boarding school in
England. Things really started going wrong when due to
problems with my joints (no pun intended), I had to give
up all sports for at least a couple of years. Sport was
my passion along with art. This left me with much time
on my hands and not a lot to do with it. Couple this
with rapidly decreasing self-esteem, a lot of bullying,
and some horrible experiences and you have a lethal cocktail
(again no pun intended). After breaking almost every
school rule, I was kicked out when I was seventeen. I
spent six months in London trying to get my life back
on track but to no avail.
That summer, I did some volunteer work for a research
project in Papua, New Guinea. I had a near-death experience
out there and, having not been using for some time, I
decided upon my return to England that this was it, “I
shall never take drugs again.” I was drinking, however,
and it wasn’t long before it led me back to my old
ways and I ended up in the hospital. By the end of the
year, I had lost my girlfriend, failed my exams, and
was using more than ever. I also found out that my mother
had cancer. I knew I was in trouble.
I found myself caught in the ever-deepening spiral of
addiction. My lack of hygiene was appalling and my motivation
was minimal. I was dealing drugs, ripping people off,
and becoming increasingly violent and withdrawn. My father
found where I was living, we talked, and I returned home,
only to leave again. After several such episodes, I finally
decided to see a counselor who referred me to primary
care in Minnesota. I shall never forget the overpowering
feelings of fear and anger I had upon arrival. After
a short stint in primary, I went into extended care and
was referred to several halfway houses. I knew none of
them were going to suit me until I caught wind of the
program at GWR. I knew instantly it was for me because
of its firm belief in the outdoors as integral to recovery.
The only question was, “Did they have a place?” Luckily
for me, they did.
The day after I arrived at GWR, I set off for a week’s
trek in the breathtaking Cascade Mountains. Other experiences
included 3 five-day treks, 3 snowboarding trips, snowshoeing,
and sea kayaking. I worked as an assistant swim instructor
for the Port Townsend swim team and volunteered at the
local elementary school. I feel very fortunate to have
partaken in the GWR experience, as it is where I believe
my recovery really began. In my four months at the Ranch,
I had many of the happiest and most serene moments of
my life and also gleaned a real understanding of sobriety
and all its facets. I have so many great memories and
I miss the companionship of my peers, but I know that
wherever we are we shall remain friends for life. I am
ever grateful to GWR, the staff, and my peers. The path
of recovery for a young person is never a smooth one,
but I am confident that GWR has set me in the best stead.
